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I'll Never Let Go...
Jul. 9th, 2009 | 02:53 am
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH...
i never want to let go </3
Hello Everyone (: So I Wanted To Type Up A New Journal... Because These Past Couple Of Days Have Been BEYOND Amazing. My Boyfriend Drew Flew Up From Texas To Stay With Me For A Week <333 As We Speak... He's Sleeping On My Couch Downstairs. Let's Start From The Very Beginning.
On July 5th, My Mom And I Went Down To The Airport To Pick Drew Up. I Was Soo Excited But Nervous At The Same Time. I Made Sure I Looked Super Cute That Day ;) I Got There... And Once We Got Inside The Airport, I Began Looking For Him. The More We Looked, The More Nervous I Got. Then, My Mom Goes "Is That Him?" So I Looked For Who She Was Talking About... And I Saw Him. My Heart Felt Like It Stopped. My Tummy Instantly Filled With Butterflies. I Couldn't Take My Eyes Off Him. He Called My Phone Looking For Me... And I Told Him I Was Staring At Him. He Looked Up, And Smiled At Me. I Swear That My Heart Stopped Beating For A Second. He Gave Me The Biggest Hug Ever, And We Started Looking For My Mom. We Waited Inside The Airport Until My Mom Brought The Car Up. I Couldn't Take My Eyes Off Of Him.. He Was Everything I Expected And Sooo Much More. We Finally left The Airport, And Headed Home. We Stopped To Get Gas, And Drew Looked Over At Me And Told Me That I Looked Pretty :) We Talked The Whole Way There... And Once We Got Home, We Put His Stuff In My Room And Just Hugged For The Longest Time. I It Was So Amazing For Us To Be Able To Hug And See Eachother Face To Face. Then, We Went To Target, And Laughed The Whole Way There About My Car Making A Scary Noise. Once We Got Home Safely, We Then Went Downstairs To Watch TV And Movies. We Cuddled For A Long Time... And Then He Touched My Face, And Kissed Me <3 It Was Soo Amazing. Our First Kiss. When We Cuddled, I Rested My Head On His Chest And Just Listened To His Perfect Heartbeat. He Hugged Me And Held Onto Me From Behind Me... And Whispered He Loved Me. I've Never Felt That Feeling I Felt Before. It Was So Overwhelming... But In A Great Way.
The Next Day, I Woked Up And Looked Downstairs To See Drew Still Sleeping On My Couch. I Showered And Got Ready For The Day. He Woke Up, Showered Then We Layed In Bed Watching Monsters Inc. We Got Hungry So We Went And Got A Pizza. We Came Home, Cuddled More... And Spent All Day Hanging Out Around The House Watching TV.
The Next Day, We Got Up And Got Ready, Because We Were Going To Go To The Mall, But We Decided To Wait, So We Stayed Home Again. I Made Him Some Cheesecake... Which He Said He Would Marry Me Because It Was So Good lol Colby's Friend Came Over So We Chilled With Them. We Spent Another Day Relaxing Watching Movies And Cuddling.
Wednesday, We Went To The Mall And Walked Around Holding Hands. We Ran Into My Friend Vanessa, And She Asked Me If Drew Was My Boyfriend, And I Said Yes. He Was So Sweet... He Shook Everyones Hand, Even The People That Were With Her That I Didn't Even Know. We Then Went Shopping At Some Other Stores And Then We Decided To Go Get Something To Eat. He Took Me Out For Dinner At Olive Garden... And All I Rememeber Was Staring At Him And Thinking Of How Amazing It Was That I Was Finally Out On A Date With My Boyfriend. It Was So Amazing.
Thursday, We Stayed At Home... And We Were Talking About Scary Things. I Made Cupcakes For Him That Day, And We Went Out That Night To Hummel Park. That Park Is In North Omaha, Which Is Scary. At The Park, They've Found Young Peoples Bodies. And The Tress At The Entrance Of The Park Bow Down Because Of The Hangings They Use To Have. We Were All So Scared Driving Around That We All Were Laughing So Hard That We Couldnt Breath. We Searched For A Long Time, And Never Found It. Which Was Probably A Good Thing Since We Didn't Bring Flashlights lol We Went Home And Watched Movies For The Rest Of The Night.
The Next Day, We Got Up... Got Ready And Went Out To Hummel Park Again. This Time, We Wanted To Find The Morphing Stairs That Are Never The Same Going Up, And Back Down. We Found A Gate, And Decided To Go Walk Behind It. After A Few Miles Of Walking A Steep Hill, We Found The Shelter That The Albinos Supposedly Lived In And Where Satanics Had Worships And Shit There lol We Found The Place Where They Dumped The Girls Body, Which Was Sad. And We Later Found Out That It Was The One Year Anniversary Of Her Death On That Day. Drew Held My Hand The Whole Way, Because I Was Scared. We Then Counted Them, And The Stairs Came Out To Be One Off. Which Wasn't Scary. We Left And Went Home. We Got Some Food That Night And Once We Got Home, We Saw This Crazy Symbol On Our Table And My Brother Freaked. lol
Saturday Was Drews Last Day With Us. We Got Up, And Got Ready. We Went Out For Dinner Downtown At Old Chicago. We Both Dressed Super Nice And Walked Around For A While. My Feet Started Killing Me, So We Had To Keep Taking Breaks. After All, I Was In Heels. We Held Hands The Whole Time... It Was Sooo Cute. Then We Called My Mom To Come Get Us... Then We Got Ice Cream And Waited For Her. It Was Such An Amazing Night. We Got Home... And It Really Started To Hit Me That It Was The Last Night I Would Be With Drew. Colby And Drew Played XBOX For A Long Time, And My Dad Finally Came Home. He Told Us To Go To Bed... And I Got Really Upset. Then Drew Came In And Hugged Me And Told Me Goodnight. I Lost It Then Once My Dad Came In. He Told Me That He Once Had A Long Distance Relationship, And It Was Super Hard. He Said That When Someone Lives Far Away, You Have To Say Goodbye To Them Sometime. My Brother Came In And Saw Me Crying And I Guess He Ran And Told Drew Because Once My Dad Left My Room, Drew Was In My Doorway Asking Me If Was Ok, And What Was Wrong. I Tried To Hold Myself Together, But I Couldnt. I Lost It . I Cried So Hard I Couldn't Breathe. I Stood There Hugging Drew In My Room For The Longest Time. I Could Hear His Heartbeat Again, And I Knew That It Was One Of The Last Times I Would Hear It. We Went Downstairs And Cuddled On The Couch. He Held Onto Me As I Cried And Told Me That It Was Okay. I Couldn't Make Out Any Words Because Everytime He Asked Me What Was On My Mind... I Couldn't Speak. He Started Falling Asleep, So He Went To Bed. I Stayed Up Writing A Letter That I Hid In The Bottom Of His Luggage.
The Next Day, I Got Up Feeling Super Sick From All The Worry That Was Keeping Me Up. My Mom Came In, And Asked Me How I Was Doing. I Started Crying, And My Mom Had To Leave My Room Because She Didnt Want To See Me Cry. I Got Up, And Helped Make Breakfast. I Got Ready For The Day After That, And Just Spent Time With Drew In My Room Before He Had To Leave. He Kept Asking Me If I Was Sad, And I Would Automatically Start Tearing Up. We Finally Left, And Headed For The Airport. We Sat And Had Lunch, As I Tried To Hold Myself Together. After Awhile Of Sitting, It Was Time For Him To Board The Plane. I Walked Him Down The Ramp Thing, And He Said, "Well Thanks For Having Me." I Lost It. I Didn't Care Who I Was In Front Of. He Hugged Me And Told Me Everything Would Be Okay. I Didnt Want Him To Go. I Thanked Him For Coming Up To Stay With Me, And He Kept Asking Me If I Was Okay. He Kept Kissing Me And Telling Me That He Loved Me. It Was So Hard To Let Him Go. We Hugged One Last Time, And He Walked Away. I Walked Trying To Find My Mom, And Trying To Stop Crying. These People That Were Also Crying Offered Me To Cry With Them lol It Was So So Hard Seeing Him Go. I've Been Crying All Day Because I Miss HIm So Much.
Im Going To Miss All The Times Of Waking Up, And Going Downstairs To Cuddle. All The Times Of Going Out And Holding Hands The Entire Time. I'm Going To Miss All His Funny Faces And The Tickle Fights At Night. Im Going To Miss His Soft Kisses, And HIs Amazing Hugs. I Love Him So Much. This Week Has Been Sooo Amazing, And I'm So Lucky That He Got To Come Up. I Love Him With All Of My Heart. He Is My First True Love. <333
i never want to let go </3
Hello Everyone (: So I Wanted To Type Up A New Journal... Because These Past Couple Of Days Have Been BEYOND Amazing. My Boyfriend Drew Flew Up From Texas To Stay With Me For A Week <333 As We Speak... He's Sleeping On My Couch Downstairs. Let's Start From The Very Beginning.
On July 5th, My Mom And I Went Down To The Airport To Pick Drew Up. I Was Soo Excited But Nervous At The Same Time. I Made Sure I Looked Super Cute That Day ;) I Got There... And Once We Got Inside The Airport, I Began Looking For Him. The More We Looked, The More Nervous I Got. Then, My Mom Goes "Is That Him?" So I Looked For Who She Was Talking About... And I Saw Him. My Heart Felt Like It Stopped. My Tummy Instantly Filled With Butterflies. I Couldn't Take My Eyes Off Him. He Called My Phone Looking For Me... And I Told Him I Was Staring At Him. He Looked Up, And Smiled At Me. I Swear That My Heart Stopped Beating For A Second. He Gave Me The Biggest Hug Ever, And We Started Looking For My Mom. We Waited Inside The Airport Until My Mom Brought The Car Up. I Couldn't Take My Eyes Off Of Him.. He Was Everything I Expected And Sooo Much More. We Finally left The Airport, And Headed Home. We Stopped To Get Gas, And Drew Looked Over At Me And Told Me That I Looked Pretty :) We Talked The Whole Way There... And Once We Got Home, We Put His Stuff In My Room And Just Hugged For The Longest Time. I It Was So Amazing For Us To Be Able To Hug And See Eachother Face To Face. Then, We Went To Target, And Laughed The Whole Way There About My Car Making A Scary Noise. Once We Got Home Safely, We Then Went Downstairs To Watch TV And Movies. We Cuddled For A Long Time... And Then He Touched My Face, And Kissed Me <3 It Was Soo Amazing. Our First Kiss. When We Cuddled, I Rested My Head On His Chest And Just Listened To His Perfect Heartbeat. He Hugged Me And Held Onto Me From Behind Me... And Whispered He Loved Me. I've Never Felt That Feeling I Felt Before. It Was So Overwhelming... But In A Great Way.
The Next Day, I Woked Up And Looked Downstairs To See Drew Still Sleeping On My Couch. I Showered And Got Ready For The Day. He Woke Up, Showered Then We Layed In Bed Watching Monsters Inc. We Got Hungry So We Went And Got A Pizza. We Came Home, Cuddled More... And Spent All Day Hanging Out Around The House Watching TV.
The Next Day, We Got Up And Got Ready, Because We Were Going To Go To The Mall, But We Decided To Wait, So We Stayed Home Again. I Made Him Some Cheesecake... Which He Said He Would Marry Me Because It Was So Good lol Colby's Friend Came Over So We Chilled With Them. We Spent Another Day Relaxing Watching Movies And Cuddling.
Wednesday, We Went To The Mall And Walked Around Holding Hands. We Ran Into My Friend Vanessa, And She Asked Me If Drew Was My Boyfriend, And I Said Yes. He Was So Sweet... He Shook Everyones Hand, Even The People That Were With Her That I Didn't Even Know. We Then Went Shopping At Some Other Stores And Then We Decided To Go Get Something To Eat. He Took Me Out For Dinner At Olive Garden... And All I Rememeber Was Staring At Him And Thinking Of How Amazing It Was That I Was Finally Out On A Date With My Boyfriend. It Was So Amazing.
Thursday, We Stayed At Home... And We Were Talking About Scary Things. I Made Cupcakes For Him That Day, And We Went Out That Night To Hummel Park. That Park Is In North Omaha, Which Is Scary. At The Park, They've Found Young Peoples Bodies. And The Tress At The Entrance Of The Park Bow Down Because Of The Hangings They Use To Have. We Were All So Scared Driving Around That We All Were Laughing So Hard That We Couldnt Breath. We Searched For A Long Time, And Never Found It. Which Was Probably A Good Thing Since We Didn't Bring Flashlights lol We Went Home And Watched Movies For The Rest Of The Night.
The Next Day, We Got Up... Got Ready And Went Out To Hummel Park Again. This Time, We Wanted To Find The Morphing Stairs That Are Never The Same Going Up, And Back Down. We Found A Gate, And Decided To Go Walk Behind It. After A Few Miles Of Walking A Steep Hill, We Found The Shelter That The Albinos Supposedly Lived In And Where Satanics Had Worships And Shit There lol We Found The Place Where They Dumped The Girls Body, Which Was Sad. And We Later Found Out That It Was The One Year Anniversary Of Her Death On That Day. Drew Held My Hand The Whole Way, Because I Was Scared. We Then Counted Them, And The Stairs Came Out To Be One Off. Which Wasn't Scary. We Left And Went Home. We Got Some Food That Night And Once We Got Home, We Saw This Crazy Symbol On Our Table And My Brother Freaked. lol
Saturday Was Drews Last Day With Us. We Got Up, And Got Ready. We Went Out For Dinner Downtown At Old Chicago. We Both Dressed Super Nice And Walked Around For A While. My Feet Started Killing Me, So We Had To Keep Taking Breaks. After All, I Was In Heels. We Held Hands The Whole Time... It Was Sooo Cute. Then We Called My Mom To Come Get Us... Then We Got Ice Cream And Waited For Her. It Was Such An Amazing Night. We Got Home... And It Really Started To Hit Me That It Was The Last Night I Would Be With Drew. Colby And Drew Played XBOX For A Long Time, And My Dad Finally Came Home. He Told Us To Go To Bed... And I Got Really Upset. Then Drew Came In And Hugged Me And Told Me Goodnight. I Lost It Then Once My Dad Came In. He Told Me That He Once Had A Long Distance Relationship, And It Was Super Hard. He Said That When Someone Lives Far Away, You Have To Say Goodbye To Them Sometime. My Brother Came In And Saw Me Crying And I Guess He Ran And Told Drew Because Once My Dad Left My Room, Drew Was In My Doorway Asking Me If Was Ok, And What Was Wrong. I Tried To Hold Myself Together, But I Couldnt. I Lost It . I Cried So Hard I Couldn't Breathe. I Stood There Hugging Drew In My Room For The Longest Time. I Could Hear His Heartbeat Again, And I Knew That It Was One Of The Last Times I Would Hear It. We Went Downstairs And Cuddled On The Couch. He Held Onto Me As I Cried And Told Me That It Was Okay. I Couldn't Make Out Any Words Because Everytime He Asked Me What Was On My Mind... I Couldn't Speak. He Started Falling Asleep, So He Went To Bed. I Stayed Up Writing A Letter That I Hid In The Bottom Of His Luggage.
The Next Day, I Got Up Feeling Super Sick From All The Worry That Was Keeping Me Up. My Mom Came In, And Asked Me How I Was Doing. I Started Crying, And My Mom Had To Leave My Room Because She Didnt Want To See Me Cry. I Got Up, And Helped Make Breakfast. I Got Ready For The Day After That, And Just Spent Time With Drew In My Room Before He Had To Leave. He Kept Asking Me If I Was Sad, And I Would Automatically Start Tearing Up. We Finally Left, And Headed For The Airport. We Sat And Had Lunch, As I Tried To Hold Myself Together. After Awhile Of Sitting, It Was Time For Him To Board The Plane. I Walked Him Down The Ramp Thing, And He Said, "Well Thanks For Having Me." I Lost It. I Didn't Care Who I Was In Front Of. He Hugged Me And Told Me Everything Would Be Okay. I Didnt Want Him To Go. I Thanked Him For Coming Up To Stay With Me, And He Kept Asking Me If I Was Okay. He Kept Kissing Me And Telling Me That He Loved Me. It Was So Hard To Let Him Go. We Hugged One Last Time, And He Walked Away. I Walked Trying To Find My Mom, And Trying To Stop Crying. These People That Were Also Crying Offered Me To Cry With Them lol It Was So So Hard Seeing Him Go. I've Been Crying All Day Because I Miss HIm So Much.
Im Going To Miss All The Times Of Waking Up, And Going Downstairs To Cuddle. All The Times Of Going Out And Holding Hands The Entire Time. I'm Going To Miss All His Funny Faces And The Tickle Fights At Night. Im Going To Miss His Soft Kisses, And HIs Amazing Hugs. I Love Him So Much. This Week Has Been Sooo Amazing, And I'm So Lucky That He Got To Come Up. I Love Him With All Of My Heart. He Is My First True Love. <333
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Kiss Me Through The Phone....
May. 18th, 2009 | 03:41 pm
mood: <333
music: Kiss Me Through The Phone (Acoustic!)
Life Has It's Great Moments...
And Right Now, I'm Trapped Inside A
Beautiful Memory <3
Hello Everyone :) I Figured Today Would Be A Great Day To Update On Life And Everything! First Off, School Is Almost Over! Which Means That I Will Finally Be Done With My High School Life! (Thank God lol) To This Day, I Have Exactly 5 Days Left, And Two Days To Do Finals. Then It's Graduation Practice... And Then Graduation! I Am So Excited To Finally Be Done. Then, I Will Be Spending My Time Trying To Find A Job For The Summer! I'm So Stoked. Not So Much For Working... But Being Able To C h i l l.
Second, Drew And I Are Doing Amazing! To This Day, It's Been 4 Weeks And One Day :))) I Sent Him His Present... Which Was A Notebook Where I Wrote Him A Letter Everyday And I Filled It With Pictures And Song Lyrics! It Was So Cute. I Painted The Front And Filled The Whole Thing :) It Was Cute. Then, He Sent Me A Letter, And Bought Me A T Shirt Where He Goes To School <3 MSU. I Love That Boy More Than Anything. I Can't Wait For This Summer When We Can Be Together! <333
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Dear Drew...
Apr. 27th, 2009 | 05:41 pm
mood: 
loved
Dear Drew...
May My Heart Always Be With You <333
May My Heart Always Be With You <333
Baby,
Well... Let's Start From The Very Beginning. From The Very First Time I Saw You... I Knew There Was Something Very Special And Different About You. You Added Me On Myspace... And I Was Looking Through All Your Pictures And All I Could Think Was "Wow... This Guy Is So Hot!" So I Commented One Of Your Pictures... And Expected You Just To Ignore It. But The Next Day, I Got Back On And Had A Message From You. My Heart Started To Race. All I Rememeber It Saying Was "Aw Don't Make Me Blush =] I'm Drew. My Phone Number Is...***-***-****." And From That Day, I Started To Like You. We Talked All The Time. You Had A Girlfriend At The Time... And That Honestly Bothered Me. I Had A Boyfriend Too... But I Still Wanted You More Than Anyone. I Would Tell You How I Felt All The Time And How I Wished We Could Be Together And You Would Never Say Anything. It Was Difficult, But I Still Didn't Give Up. We Talked On New Year's That Year... And That Was The First Time We Ever Talked On The Phone. You Told Me That You Liked Talking To Me, And I Said The Same. I Fell Asleep With My Phone In My Hand That Night (:
Since Then, We've Had A Really Rocky Journey. We Stopped Talking For A While... And That Was So Hard For Me. Things Happened That Shouldn't Be Brought Back Up Again, But It Made Me Sad All The Time. I Would Cry Myself To Sleep At Night, Worrying About You. You Would Tell Me Lies, And Make Me Upset, Whem None Of It Was True. Us Not Talking Didn't Last Long, Because After A While, We Started Talking Again. I Hoped That, That Time, It Was Different. But It Wasn't. We Still Barely Spoke... And I Found Out Again, That You Had A Different Girlfriend. Someone That Could Be There With You All The Time. So By That Time, I Was Done. I Deleted Everything From You... Your Myspace, Every Text, Picture, Everything. We Didn't Talk For Months That Time... And I Really Didn't Care. It Was So Hard To Move On From You, Because I Felt So Strongly Still. I'd Think About You From Time To Time, And I Would Always Want To Just Call You And Hear Your Voice Again, And See How You Were Doing... But I Didn't. Months Went On, And We Never Spoke.
Finally, After Literally MONTHS Without Talking... I Was Sitting On My Bed One Night, And The Thought Of You Randomly Popped In My Head. I Then Decided That I Was Going To Text You, To See How You Were Doing. And If It Didn't Go Well, Then I Was For Sure Done. This Was My Last Attempt. I Texted You, And From There, We Started Talking Again. You Sent Me A Picture Of You (Which Is Still On My Phone) And You Looked So Different (: Since March, We've Been Closer Than We Ever Have Been. We've Talked EVERY Day Since Then... And Even A Few Times On The Phone. I've Noticed Something Else That Has Changed Too... The Way You Feel And Act Towards Me. When We First Started Talking, All You Treated Me Like Was A Friend. Now, You Are So Loving Towards Me. You Also Used To Ignore Me, And When You Would Ask For Certian Things And I Wouldn't Do It, You Would Get Mad And Stop Talking To Me.
You Like Me Now, And You Care About Me. That Means So Much To Me. When I Don't Feel Uncomfortable Doing Something, You Don't Pressure Me Into It Like You Used To. You've Changed So Much And I'm So Glad You Did :) You Are Such An Amazing Person, Like You've Been All Along.
Drew, You Make Me Feel SO Amazing (: And I'm Not Just Saying That. It's So True. I've Never Felt This Way Before. You Put Butterflies In My Tummy... And They NEVER Go Away. Each Time We Talk On The Phone, It's Like We Are Talking For The First Time Again. I Get Nervous And Anxious... And Then I'm Myself Again As Soon As We Talk For Alittle Bit. I'm Really Comfortable Being Myself Towards You, Which Isn't Easy. I'm Not That Way Towards Hardly Anyone. You Make Me So Incredibly Happy :) I Haven't Been This Happy In Such A Long Time. Sometimes I Wonder Why You Would Even Like Me, Because Theres Nothing Special About Me... But I'm So Glad You Do. You Hold Such A Huge//Important Place In My Heart And Life. You Have Since The Day We Met, And You Always Will. I Love Everything About You, Baby And I Love How Similiar We Really Are :) I Love How Silly You Are, And How You Are Always Making Me Giggle. I Love Your Smile! Everytime I See You Smile... It Makes My Heart Melt. I Love Hearing Your Voice :) I Love How Every Cute Love Song ALWAYS Reminds Me Of You. I Love EVERY Cute Thing You Do. Like, Calling Me Randomly During The Day To Tell Me That You Were Thinking About Me. Or Texting Me In The Middle Of The Night, So When I Wake Up, I Have Something Cute To Read In The Morning. Every Single Time We Talk, It's Like I Fall In Love With You All Over Again. I Feel Like A Little Girl Who Just Got Her First Crush. Feeling All These New Feelings She's Never Felt Before. Ah It's Such An Amazing Feeling. I Seriously Have NEVER Felt This Way Before, And I Love It! I Appreciate EVERYTHING You Do For Me. You Have Noooo Idea. I'm So Freak'n Blessed To Have You.
Babe, I Know It's Hard That We Never Get To See Eachother... But Our Love Is Strong Enough To Get Past That. Summer Is Right Around The Corner... Then We Will Get To Be Together. I Love And Trust You So Much. We Could Both Be Out Cheating On Eachother Right Now, But I Would NEVER EVER EVER Do Anything Like That To Hurt You, And I Have Faith That You'll Do The Same. I Know Lots Of People Say That Long Distance Relationships Don't Work... But We Can Do It. We Are So Close And We Have A Conection Like I've Never Seen Before. I Believe, That If We Both Put Our Heart And Soul Into This... We Can Do Anything :) I Love You Alot Baby. I'm Falling More In Love With You Each Day. You Mean So Much To Me. Don't Ever Forget That. 3 Years And Counting :))) I Can't Wait For The Days When We Can Go On Dates All The Time, And Get A Huge House, Have Gorgeous Kids, Live Together Forever, Go To IHOP Every Sunday, And Go Places Together Until We Have To Be In Electric Wheelchairs :) lol Distance Is Nothing Babe. We Can Do This (:
I Love You Andrew Jay Anderson
<333
4/19/09
3:03 Am
You Like Me Now, And You Care About Me. That Means So Much To Me. When I Don't Feel Uncomfortable Doing Something, You Don't Pressure Me Into It Like You Used To. You've Changed So Much And I'm So Glad You Did :) You Are Such An Amazing Person, Like You've Been All Along.
Drew, You Make Me Feel SO Amazing (: And I'm Not Just Saying That. It's So True. I've Never Felt This Way Before. You Put Butterflies In My Tummy... And They NEVER Go Away. Each Time We Talk On The Phone, It's Like We Are Talking For The First Time Again. I Get Nervous And Anxious... And Then I'm Myself Again As Soon As We Talk For Alittle Bit. I'm Really Comfortable Being Myself Towards You, Which Isn't Easy. I'm Not That Way Towards Hardly Anyone. You Make Me So Incredibly Happy :) I Haven't Been This Happy In Such A Long Time. Sometimes I Wonder Why You Would Even Like Me, Because Theres Nothing Special About Me... But I'm So Glad You Do. You Hold Such A Huge//Important Place In My Heart And Life. You Have Since The Day We Met, And You Always Will. I Love Everything About You, Baby And I Love How Similiar We Really Are :) I Love How Silly You Are, And How You Are Always Making Me Giggle. I Love Your Smile! Everytime I See You Smile... It Makes My Heart Melt. I Love Hearing Your Voice :) I Love How Every Cute Love Song ALWAYS Reminds Me Of You. I Love EVERY Cute Thing You Do. Like, Calling Me Randomly During The Day To Tell Me That You Were Thinking About Me. Or Texting Me In The Middle Of The Night, So When I Wake Up, I Have Something Cute To Read In The Morning. Every Single Time We Talk, It's Like I Fall In Love With You All Over Again. I Feel Like A Little Girl Who Just Got Her First Crush. Feeling All These New Feelings She's Never Felt Before. Ah It's Such An Amazing Feeling. I Seriously Have NEVER Felt This Way Before, And I Love It! I Appreciate EVERYTHING You Do For Me. You Have Noooo Idea. I'm So Freak'n Blessed To Have You.
Babe, I Know It's Hard That We Never Get To See Eachother... But Our Love Is Strong Enough To Get Past That. Summer Is Right Around The Corner... Then We Will Get To Be Together. I Love And Trust You So Much. We Could Both Be Out Cheating On Eachother Right Now, But I Would NEVER EVER EVER Do Anything Like That To Hurt You, And I Have Faith That You'll Do The Same. I Know Lots Of People Say That Long Distance Relationships Don't Work... But We Can Do It. We Are So Close And We Have A Conection Like I've Never Seen Before. I Believe, That If We Both Put Our Heart And Soul Into This... We Can Do Anything :) I Love You Alot Baby. I'm Falling More In Love With You Each Day. You Mean So Much To Me. Don't Ever Forget That. 3 Years And Counting :))) I Can't Wait For The Days When We Can Go On Dates All The Time, And Get A Huge House, Have Gorgeous Kids, Live Together Forever, Go To IHOP Every Sunday, And Go Places Together Until We Have To Be In Electric Wheelchairs :) lol Distance Is Nothing Babe. We Can Do This (:
I Love You Andrew Jay Anderson
<333
4/19/09
3:03 Am
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Moving On.
Feb. 16th, 2009 | 12:58 pm
Life, As We Know It...
Is Slowly Moving On.
I've Come To Many Different Realization's Lately... And They're All Going To Help Me Move On With My Life.
One, I've Been Really Upset About A Few Different Things In My Life Recently. And It's Seemed Like Nothing Would Ever Get Better. I Was Also Sick For A While As Well, Which Did Nothing But Make Me Stay Home And Cry Over Things That Were Wrong In My Life. But Once I Was Back In School, I Was So Much More Happier. Even Though Being In Drama-Filled School Is So Hard Sometimes... It Was So Nice Seeing Everyone I Knew, And Getting My Mind Off Of Being Upset.
I Also Spent One Weekend Before Getting Sick, With Two Of My Closer Guy Friends And I Had So Much Fun. I Needed That More Than Anything. I Realized That I Just Need To Have Fun, And Not Worry About Things In Life. Because That Only Makes Me Sad, And Depressed.
Another Thing, Is Moving On Over Certian Things. I've Been So Caught Up In Being Sad And Dwelling Over Certian People, That It Made Me Really Sad. I Also Realized From Hanging Out With Funny, Loving People, That I Can't Let People Hurt Me, And Make Me Sad All The Time. I've Had Little Relationships With People And After It All Being Said And Done, It Hurt Me. I Know Now That If They Don't Talk To Me, Or Want Anything To Do With Me Afterwards, They Arn't Worth My Time. I Need To Move On And Be Happy.
Moral Of The Story Is, That I Can't Let Things Get Me Down In Life. I Need To Worry About Happy Times In My Life, And Sharing It With Good, Amazing People. I Need To Have Fun With My Life, And Spend Time With Great People (:
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<33 Love.
Feb. 9th, 2009 | 03:22 pm
"Thinking Of You..."
I Wish That I, Was Looking Into Your Eyes.
- Katy Perry
I Wish That I, Was Looking Into Your Eyes.
- Katy Perry
In The Past Couple Of Months, Lot's Of Things Have Been Changing. And For Once, It's For The Better. First, I've Let Go Of Some People, And Have Moved On. It Was Probably For The Better Though. And Some People Came Back Into My Life. I Guess That Happened For A Reason. Even Some People That I Promised Myself I Wouldn't Let Back Into My Life, Are Sorta Back. But Just Because That Happened, Doesn't Mean I Trust Them Like I Used To. Because That Won't Happen. Ever.
Second, I'm Starting On A Few New Projects. I'm Adding More Photos To My Photography. But That Is Always Happening So That's Nothing New. And I'm Starting My Wall Of Polaroids!!! (Photo Above) I Have About 85 Pictures Now. There's Pictures Of Different Places I've Gone To, To Pictures Of My Friends And I. And Since Polaroid Film Is Being Discontinued, It's Hard To Find Film, So This Project Is Going Kinda Fast And Slow. And If There's Not A Picture Of You Up There, We Have To Work On That! I Want A Photo Of Everyone Up There!! :)
As For Boys, I'm Still Single. Which Is Good And Bad. lol Lately, I've Been Really Careful Of What I Do, And What Guys Try To Do To Me. Like I've Said A Million Times, I Don't Want A Guy To Hook Up With. Or Someone That Will Hurt Me. Duh! Nobody Does. So, I've Just Decided That I Am Going To Keep Waiting Until Someone Good Finds Me. A Guy Thats Not So Obsessive With Getting In My Pants (Because It's NEVER Going To Happen) Or Trying To Hurt Me. So I'm Having Fun And Not Worrying Right Now. Until I Find Someone Awesome. Or Better Yet, Until They Find Me :))))))
Other Than That, Nothing Else Has Been Happening. Just Finishing Up My Senior Year, And Enjoying That Along The Way :) I Can't Wait To See Where Everything Ends Up In A Few Months.
<333
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If I Died Today (Please Read This Up)
Jan. 14th, 2009 | 01:23 pm
If I Died Today...
I Hope You Would Read This.
I Write This Today, Just Because I Realized How Important Life Can Be. And How Fast It Can Be Taken From You. I Just Wanted To Write Down, Or Type Actaully lol Some Words From My Heart That I Want People To Know. Just In Case. You Never Know Exactly When Something Can Happen. I Mean This [Entry] From The Bottom Of My Heart, For All Of You.
xoxo, Alexis.
Colby Robert Brian Westphal
(Little Brother)
Wow, I Don't Even Know Where To Begin With You. I Guess We Wil Start At The Very Beginning. You Know, When I Was Little... I Would Wish For You. I Would Wish For Mommy To Get Pregnant... So I Could Have A Little Brother. That's All I Ever Wanted. And When Grandpa Bob Came Into My Dreams And Told Me That I Was Finally Going To Get My Little Brother I've Been Asking And Praying For... I Was Soooo Excited. You Have No Idea What You Mean To Me. You're My Little Brother. I Love You With All My Heart. I'm So So So Thankful That I Got To Watch You Grow Up... And Become The Person You Are Today. I'm So Lucky That I Had You To Grow Up With. I Don't Know Where I Would Be Without You. We Faced Some Pretty Big Challenges Together... But I'm Glad I Still Have You. And When We Lost Someone Who Was Kinda Close To Us Growing Up, I Realized How Important You Are To Me. I Love You So Much Colby. Thank You For Everything You've Brought To My Life. You're My Little Angel-Brother (:
Mom && Dad
(Parents)
Well, Since You Guys Made Me... I Want To Thank You For Everything. You've Taught Me Everything... And Helped Shape Who I Am Today. You've Also Given Me Everything I Wanted And More, In Life. I'm So Thankful That You Both Supported Me In Things Like, My Beauty Pageants. Without You Guys... My Life Wouldn't Exist.... And I Wouldn't Be The Person I Am Today. There's Not A Whole Lot To Tell You, Because I've Basically Said It All... But You Both Have Been The Best Parents I Could Ever Ask For. You Really Helped Me Become Who I Am Today. Mom, For A While, Or Growing Up, We Were Close, But Not That Close. You And Dad Were Both Gone Alot, And I Wasn't That Close To Either Of You. You And I Used To Fight All The Time. But Not That I've Gotten Older, I Realize How Certian Things Are. I Know What It's Like Being Older That I Was Then, And Knowing Why We Werent That Close. But I'm So Lucky That We Are Now. I Rememeber When I Was Little, You Used To Kiss A Napkin For Colby And I Before You Left. Or You Would Spray Your Perfume. Thank You For Always Driving Me Around, Helping Me Through My Drama Filled Teen Life, And Being There For Me With My Pageants And All My Other Things I Did When I Was Little. I Love You. Dad, Growing Up, I Was Always A Daddys Girl. I Can't Even Tell You How Many Times I've Heard That I Used To Kick When I Heard You Playing In Your Band. I Loved Growing Up Being A Tomboy Following You Around Everywhere. I Know That You Worked All The Time, Especially Now, And I Just Wanted You To Know, I Never Stopped Loving You. I Know You And I Weren't Getting Along For A While, But You Will Always Be My Dad And I Will Always Love You. Thank You For Everything. I Love You Both So Very Much. Thank You For Everything.
Grandma // Grandpa
You've Taught Me So Much Growing Up. How To Get Through Tough Times, And How To Always Have Faith, And To Never Lose It. As You Might Know, My Grandparents On My Mothers Side, Were Never Really There For Me, Or My Brother Growing Up. For All The Important Things Like My Pageants, Or To Actually Witness Me Growing Up. But You Were. You Loved Me And Supported Me From The Day I Was Born. I Will Always Cherish The Times You Took Colby And I To The Rose Theater To See Plays, Or To Get Ice Cream Cones After Our Walks. All The Nature Walks We Went On, And The Forts We Made In Your Living Room. All The Times You Would Make Up Plays With Me, And Preform Them For My Parents. All The Veggie Tales Movies We've Seen, And The Countless Cookies And Cakes We Made In Your Kitchen. I Want To Thank You For Being An Amazing Grandma. For All The Adivice You've Given Me, And All The Warm, Welcoming Hugs I've Recieved From You. You Will Never Know How Much I Love You. Thank You So Incredibly Much For Everything You've Done For Me. I Love You.
Grandpa, You Are Such An Amazing Person. I Seriously Couldn't Ask For A Better Grandpa. You Are The Best Person Ever. Thank You For Everything You've Done For Me. Like, Talking Grandma Into Always Going Out To Eat, Even Though She Was Trying To Get You Guys To Eat Healthier (: Thank You Also For Comming Out To Support Everything I've Done. Nothing Made Me More Happier Than Being On Stage At My Beauty Pageants, And Looking Down In The Very Front Of The Crowd, And Seeing You, With The Rest Of The Family. I Loved Always Coming Over To You And Grandma's House, And Spending Time There. All My Favorite Memories Like, You Playing The Piano, And After You Finished A Song, You Would Look Up, And Colby And I Would Both Clap And Go, "YAAAAAAAAAAY!!" And You Would Laugh Everytime We Did That. Or When You Would Plan To Watch An Old, Cowboy Movie, You Would Put Your Cowboy Hat On, And Get Dressed Up Like A Cowboy Just To Watch A Dand Movie lol Or When We Would Go To Plays And Things Like That, You Would Always Make Weird Sounds And Yell At Random People. lol And When You Gave Us Wax Paper To Go Down Metal Slides lol You Are So Very Special To Me, Grandpa. I Love You Very Very Much.
Uncle Chad
You Taught Me Some Amazing, And Important Things In Life. You Were Always The One I Looked Up To, Because You Were Always So Driven And On An Amazing Past With God. Thank You For Everything You've Done For Me, And Thank You For Always Supporting Me With Everything I Do. I Will Never Forget The Times When We Would Always Make Funny Faces At Eachother, And Then Laugh After 5 Minutes Of Doing That (: I Also Thank You For Being There For Me To Cry To. Like When We Went To See The Passion Of The Christ, And You Cried With Me Through The Whole Thing, And Hugged Me For The Longest Time Afterwards, Until I Stopped Crying. Or When We Were Going Through Alot At Christmas Time, And You Would Hug Me, And Tell Me To Hang In There. Oh, And Those Rings You Gave Me, I Wear Them Almost Everyday. (: They Give Me Inspiration Everytime I See Them. Thank You For Everything. I Love You Very Much.
Anna
You Are My Best Friend, And My Sister. Girl, I Know I've Told You This A Million Times, But You Are The Only Person I Trust 100% In Life. You Are Such An Amazing Person. You Know Everything About Me! From My Current Crushes I Have To What I'm Feeling Each Day. We Have So Much In Common, It's Kinda Insane! We Are Soul Sisters :) I Mean, Who Else Gets Sick With Stomach Cramps And Random Headaches At The Same Exact Time, For No Reason? It's Crazy! We Have Also Been Through Alot Of The Same Things. From Good Things Like Beauty Pageants, And Getting Butterflies From Cute Boys, To Getting Heartbroken By Guys We Gave Our Hearts To. I Love You So Much. I'm So Glad I Have A Best Friend Like You. I Am Seriously So So So Blessed And Lucky To Have You. We Have Such An Incredible Closeness, That We Think And Feel The Same Thing. Like Twins! lol Thank You So Much For Always Being There For Me, When I Need You. You Are Always There To Listen And To Help Me With Things. You Also Listen To Me Ramble On About How Much I Like These Certian Boys, And You Never Get Tired Of Me Telling You. ( I Don't Think? lol) You're My Looney Spoon, Crazy Ass Best Friend, And I Couldn't Ask For Anything Better Than That. You Amaze Me. I Love You So Much, Anna. Thank You For Everything.
Zach
My Best Friend (: Thank You For Being Such An Amazing Best Friend. I'm So Glad We Became Best Friends In Lame Math Class :) I Will Never Forget That Day When We First Started Talking. All Those Times Of Getting In Trouble For Having Ruler Fights, And For Having Marker Fights. lol Or When You Would Put Like, 15 Dollars Worth Of Change In My Hood, So When I Went Outside In The Snow And Put My Hood Up, I Would Have Change Raining Down On My Head. lol You Are Such A Funny And Amazing Person. Thank You For Protecting Me When I Had A "Stalker" Always Following Me. Thank You For Always Being There To Talk With Me About Things That Are Going On In Life. Thanks For The Million Pictures You Drew For Me That I Have Hanging Up All Over The Back Of My Closet Door. lol Even Though You Always Can Kick My Butt In Guitar Hero. :) Thank You For Everything. I Love You, Best Friend.
Arnold
I Hope You Would Read This.
I Write This Today, Just Because I Realized How Important Life Can Be. And How Fast It Can Be Taken From You. I Just Wanted To Write Down, Or Type Actaully lol Some Words From My Heart That I Want People To Know. Just In Case. You Never Know Exactly When Something Can Happen. I Mean This [Entry] From The Bottom Of My Heart, For All Of You.
xoxo, Alexis.
Colby Robert Brian Westphal
(Little Brother)
Wow, I Don't Even Know Where To Begin With You. I Guess We Wil Start At The Very Beginning. You Know, When I Was Little... I Would Wish For You. I Would Wish For Mommy To Get Pregnant... So I Could Have A Little Brother. That's All I Ever Wanted. And When Grandpa Bob Came Into My Dreams And Told Me That I Was Finally Going To Get My Little Brother I've Been Asking And Praying For... I Was Soooo Excited. You Have No Idea What You Mean To Me. You're My Little Brother. I Love You With All My Heart. I'm So So So Thankful That I Got To Watch You Grow Up... And Become The Person You Are Today. I'm So Lucky That I Had You To Grow Up With. I Don't Know Where I Would Be Without You. We Faced Some Pretty Big Challenges Together... But I'm Glad I Still Have You. And When We Lost Someone Who Was Kinda Close To Us Growing Up, I Realized How Important You Are To Me. I Love You So Much Colby. Thank You For Everything You've Brought To My Life. You're My Little Angel-Brother (:
Mom && Dad
(Parents)
Well, Since You Guys Made Me... I Want To Thank You For Everything. You've Taught Me Everything... And Helped Shape Who I Am Today. You've Also Given Me Everything I Wanted And More, In Life. I'm So Thankful That You Both Supported Me In Things Like, My Beauty Pageants. Without You Guys... My Life Wouldn't Exist.... And I Wouldn't Be The Person I Am Today. There's Not A Whole Lot To Tell You, Because I've Basically Said It All... But You Both Have Been The Best Parents I Could Ever Ask For. You Really Helped Me Become Who I Am Today. Mom, For A While, Or Growing Up, We Were Close, But Not That Close. You And Dad Were Both Gone Alot, And I Wasn't That Close To Either Of You. You And I Used To Fight All The Time. But Not That I've Gotten Older, I Realize How Certian Things Are. I Know What It's Like Being Older That I Was Then, And Knowing Why We Werent That Close. But I'm So Lucky That We Are Now. I Rememeber When I Was Little, You Used To Kiss A Napkin For Colby And I Before You Left. Or You Would Spray Your Perfume. Thank You For Always Driving Me Around, Helping Me Through My Drama Filled Teen Life, And Being There For Me With My Pageants And All My Other Things I Did When I Was Little. I Love You. Dad, Growing Up, I Was Always A Daddys Girl. I Can't Even Tell You How Many Times I've Heard That I Used To Kick When I Heard You Playing In Your Band. I Loved Growing Up Being A Tomboy Following You Around Everywhere. I Know That You Worked All The Time, Especially Now, And I Just Wanted You To Know, I Never Stopped Loving You. I Know You And I Weren't Getting Along For A While, But You Will Always Be My Dad And I Will Always Love You. Thank You For Everything. I Love You Both So Very Much. Thank You For Everything.
Grandma // Grandpa
You've Taught Me So Much Growing Up. How To Get Through Tough Times, And How To Always Have Faith, And To Never Lose It. As You Might Know, My Grandparents On My Mothers Side, Were Never Really There For Me, Or My Brother Growing Up. For All The Important Things Like My Pageants, Or To Actually Witness Me Growing Up. But You Were. You Loved Me And Supported Me From The Day I Was Born. I Will Always Cherish The Times You Took Colby And I To The Rose Theater To See Plays, Or To Get Ice Cream Cones After Our Walks. All The Nature Walks We Went On, And The Forts We Made In Your Living Room. All The Times You Would Make Up Plays With Me, And Preform Them For My Parents. All The Veggie Tales Movies We've Seen, And The Countless Cookies And Cakes We Made In Your Kitchen. I Want To Thank You For Being An Amazing Grandma. For All The Adivice You've Given Me, And All The Warm, Welcoming Hugs I've Recieved From You. You Will Never Know How Much I Love You. Thank You So Incredibly Much For Everything You've Done For Me. I Love You.
Grandpa, You Are Such An Amazing Person. I Seriously Couldn't Ask For A Better Grandpa. You Are The Best Person Ever. Thank You For Everything You've Done For Me. Like, Talking Grandma Into Always Going Out To Eat, Even Though She Was Trying To Get You Guys To Eat Healthier (: Thank You Also For Comming Out To Support Everything I've Done. Nothing Made Me More Happier Than Being On Stage At My Beauty Pageants, And Looking Down In The Very Front Of The Crowd, And Seeing You, With The Rest Of The Family. I Loved Always Coming Over To You And Grandma's House, And Spending Time There. All My Favorite Memories Like, You Playing The Piano, And After You Finished A Song, You Would Look Up, And Colby And I Would Both Clap And Go, "YAAAAAAAAAAY!!" And You Would Laugh Everytime We Did That. Or When You Would Plan To Watch An Old, Cowboy Movie, You Would Put Your Cowboy Hat On, And Get Dressed Up Like A Cowboy Just To Watch A Dand Movie lol Or When We Would Go To Plays And Things Like That, You Would Always Make Weird Sounds And Yell At Random People. lol And When You Gave Us Wax Paper To Go Down Metal Slides lol You Are So Very Special To Me, Grandpa. I Love You Very Very Much.
Uncle Chad
You Taught Me Some Amazing, And Important Things In Life. You Were Always The One I Looked Up To, Because You Were Always So Driven And On An Amazing Past With God. Thank You For Everything You've Done For Me, And Thank You For Always Supporting Me With Everything I Do. I Will Never Forget The Times When We Would Always Make Funny Faces At Eachother, And Then Laugh After 5 Minutes Of Doing That (: I Also Thank You For Being There For Me To Cry To. Like When We Went To See The Passion Of The Christ, And You Cried With Me Through The Whole Thing, And Hugged Me For The Longest Time Afterwards, Until I Stopped Crying. Or When We Were Going Through Alot At Christmas Time, And You Would Hug Me, And Tell Me To Hang In There. Oh, And Those Rings You Gave Me, I Wear Them Almost Everyday. (: They Give Me Inspiration Everytime I See Them. Thank You For Everything. I Love You Very Much.
Anna
You Are My Best Friend, And My Sister. Girl, I Know I've Told You This A Million Times, But You Are The Only Person I Trust 100% In Life. You Are Such An Amazing Person. You Know Everything About Me! From My Current Crushes I Have To What I'm Feeling Each Day. We Have So Much In Common, It's Kinda Insane! We Are Soul Sisters :) I Mean, Who Else Gets Sick With Stomach Cramps And Random Headaches At The Same Exact Time, For No Reason? It's Crazy! We Have Also Been Through Alot Of The Same Things. From Good Things Like Beauty Pageants, And Getting Butterflies From Cute Boys, To Getting Heartbroken By Guys We Gave Our Hearts To. I Love You So Much. I'm So Glad I Have A Best Friend Like You. I Am Seriously So So So Blessed And Lucky To Have You. We Have Such An Incredible Closeness, That We Think And Feel The Same Thing. Like Twins! lol Thank You So Much For Always Being There For Me, When I Need You. You Are Always There To Listen And To Help Me With Things. You Also Listen To Me Ramble On About How Much I Like These Certian Boys, And You Never Get Tired Of Me Telling You. ( I Don't Think? lol) You're My Looney Spoon, Crazy Ass Best Friend, And I Couldn't Ask For Anything Better Than That. You Amaze Me. I Love You So Much, Anna. Thank You For Everything.
Zach
My Best Friend (: Thank You For Being Such An Amazing Best Friend. I'm So Glad We Became Best Friends In Lame Math Class :) I Will Never Forget That Day When We First Started Talking. All Those Times Of Getting In Trouble For Having Ruler Fights, And For Having Marker Fights. lol Or When You Would Put Like, 15 Dollars Worth Of Change In My Hood, So When I Went Outside In The Snow And Put My Hood Up, I Would Have Change Raining Down On My Head. lol You Are Such A Funny And Amazing Person. Thank You For Protecting Me When I Had A "Stalker" Always Following Me. Thank You For Always Being There To Talk With Me About Things That Are Going On In Life. Thanks For The Million Pictures You Drew For Me That I Have Hanging Up All Over The Back Of My Closet Door. lol Even Though You Always Can Kick My Butt In Guitar Hero. :) Thank You For Everything. I Love You, Best Friend.
Arnold
My Best Friend Since Freshman Year (: I'm So Glad We Became Friends In English, Freshman Year. You Are Probably One Of The Most Honest People I Know. We've Made It Through Alot Together, And I Wouldn't Want Anyone Else By My Side. Thank You For Always Being There For Me When I Needed To Talk To You. Especially When We Both Were Having Relationship Problems. I Will Never Forget All The Times Of Us In Gym Class Singing "I'm Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman" Or "I Believe I Can Fly." Or When You Would Make Me Give You Piggyback Rides Allllllll The Way Down To The Track From School! lol Or The Beginning Of Sophomore, When We Sat Next To Eachother In English, And You Used To Ask Me Out Everyday lol. Or When You Were Trying To Jump Over Me, And You Knocked Me Down, And We Both Fell On Out Faces lol. But My Favorite One Would Have To Be One Day In Gym, When You And I Layed Out In The Middle Of The Football Field On Our Backs Looking At The Sky, And We Were Just Talking About Everything. That Sounds Like Its Out Of A Storybook lol, But I'm Glad It Sounds Like It. Thank You So Much For Everything You've Done For Me. Thank You For The Million Big Hugs You Give Me. I Love You So Much, And I'm So Glad We Are Best Friends. I Love You.
ANDREW JAY ANDERSON <3
My Babylove <3 Let's Start All The Way Back To The Very Beginning. I Added You On Myspace One Night... And I Commented One Of Your Pictures. I Told You That I Thought You Were Cute And The Next Day, I Got Back On And I Had One New Unread Message. It Was From You... And Since Then, We've Been Really Close. We've Had Some Amazing Times, And Really Bad Ones. We Went Through A Really Tough Time... And Honestly, I Was Crying All The Time. We Fought Almost Every Night, And I Felt That You Didn't Want Me, Or Anything To Do With Me. After About A Year Or So, I Finally Gave Up. I Found Out You Got A Girlfriend, And We Didn't Talk For Months, And I Didn't Care. Then, You Texted Me One Night, And We Slowly Started Talking Again. That Stopped Fast, Again. Then One Night, I Texted You To See How You Were Doing, And To Make Sure You Were Doing Ok. Since That Night, We Have Made Such A Strong, And Amazing Connection. I Really Believe That Everything Is Going To Turn Out For The Better... Because That's The Way It's Going Right Now. I'm So Glad That You Feel The Same Way I Do. I'm Glad You Know How I've Felt All This Time. You've Made Me Feel So Amazing Since We've Started Talking Again. You Sent Me This Text One Night: "I was thinking earlier and I want you to know something. You make me smile you make me feel grateful you make me feel special. i know i cant see ya or hug you. I know I cant kiss ya, or hold you, but i can care for ya more than anyone (: I can loke you... Wait, no, I Can LOVE you (: and thats what I want. You." That Made Me Feel SO Amazing. Drew, You Give Me So Many Butterflies. I Get Excited Everytime I Get A Text From You, Or When Your Ringer Goes Off When You Call Me. Just Talking To You Makes My Day 10 Times Better. You Make Me Laugh More Than Anyone, And You Make Me Feel Good About Myself. I Keep Falling More And More In Love With You Everyday. You Have A Very Special Place In My Heart, And You Always Will. Everynight, I Go To Bed With My Arms Around A Pillow, Pretending//Dreaming That It's You. I Can't Wait Until We Can Finally Be Together, And We Can Finally Hug, Kiss, Hold Hands, Cuddle, Take Cute Pictures Together... Everything. You Amaze Me. I Can't Wait To See Where Life Takes Us :) Hopefully, It Leads Me To Attending School With You, And Then We Can Be Together, Grow Old Together, Get Married, Have Gorgeous Kids, Eat IHOP Every Sunday, And Get Around On Our Electric Wheelchairs (: We May Be Miles Appart From Eachother, But We Will Always Be Close. I Love You So Much Drew.
4/18/09
<3333
3:03 AM
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Oh, How Things Are Changing...
Jan. 14th, 2009 | 12:52 pm
Oh, How Things Are Changing...
Well, Since This Is A NEW Year And All... I've Decided That I've Needed Some Changes. There Are Some Really Big Ones Thats I'm Focusing On... But This Year, Is My Year Of Change (:
First Off, I've Been Trying, And Have Been Doing A Really Good Job At Not Holding Things Against People. For One, I Don't Want To Be A Part Of Old Drama From Last Year. Second, God Doesn't Want You Holding On To Grudges Like That. No Matter What The Circumstances. After All The Bullshit People Have Put Me Through... I've Forgiving Alot Of People. Maybe Not To Them, But For Myself... I've Just Let Go. Like, If Someone Used Me For Something... Or Backstabbed Me... I've Forgiven Them, And Moved On. Weither They Want That Or Not. I Don't Want To Be That Person Anymore. I Mean, I Only Have A Few Problems With Only A Handful Of People... Maybe Not Even That Much... But Having That Heavy Weight On My Heart, Hurts. So I've Moved Past That.
Secondly, I've Chosen To Live A Celibate-Like Lifestyle. Which Means, I'm FOR SURE Not Going To Have Sex Until I Get Married. I Chose To Do This, Just For The Fact That Guys Are Assholes... And I Want To Wait Until I Get Married And Find The Right One. I Am Still A Virgin, But Because Of Some Things That Happened In The Past, I Just For Sure Want To Wait.
There Will Be More Added To This List Later.
xoxo
Well, Since This Is A NEW Year And All... I've Decided That I've Needed Some Changes. There Are Some Really Big Ones Thats I'm Focusing On... But This Year, Is My Year Of Change (:
First Off, I've Been Trying, And Have Been Doing A Really Good Job At Not Holding Things Against People. For One, I Don't Want To Be A Part Of Old Drama From Last Year. Second, God Doesn't Want You Holding On To Grudges Like That. No Matter What The Circumstances. After All The Bullshit People Have Put Me Through... I've Forgiving Alot Of People. Maybe Not To Them, But For Myself... I've Just Let Go. Like, If Someone Used Me For Something... Or Backstabbed Me... I've Forgiven Them, And Moved On. Weither They Want That Or Not. I Don't Want To Be That Person Anymore. I Mean, I Only Have A Few Problems With Only A Handful Of People... Maybe Not Even That Much... But Having That Heavy Weight On My Heart, Hurts. So I've Moved Past That.
Secondly, I've Chosen To Live A Celibate-Like Lifestyle. Which Means, I'm FOR SURE Not Going To Have Sex Until I Get Married. I Chose To Do This, Just For The Fact That Guys Are Assholes... And I Want To Wait Until I Get Married And Find The Right One. I Am Still A Virgin, But Because Of Some Things That Happened In The Past, I Just For Sure Want To Wait.
There Will Be More Added To This List Later.
xoxo
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Learn This...
Dec. 4th, 2008 | 12:16 pm
mood: 
hopeful
What You Have To Do...
In Order To Steal My Heart
Okay... So Here's The Deal. I'm Really Tired Of Finding Asshole Guys. They All Have Treated Me The Exact Same Way. Badly. So... Here Are Some Things That Are Really Important To Me, That Will Tell You How To Win My Heart. Trust Me... Its Not That Hard... But Guys Just Dont Seem To Get It.
xoxo
"Im YOUR Girlfriend" - I Mean, YOU Asked Me Out... So When People Ask If We're Dating Say Yes. I Know That Sounds Stupid, But Someone Has Done That In The Past To Me. Don't Say "Oh Babe, Everyone Knows We Are Dating. I Don't Have To Tell Them." Please. Yeah You Do.
Holding Hands, Hugging, Kissing, ect... - Do It! I Love Holding Hands... Weither Its Laying Around Watching Movies, Or Walking Around Somewhere. Hug Me And Kiss Me! In Public Too. If You Don't, It Makes Me Think Your Ashamed Of Being With Me. And It Shouldn't Be Like That.. Especially If We're Dating.
Dates - So Here Is The Deal. I've NEVER Been On A Date. Yeah. And If It Was Concidered A "Date" I Payed For Everything. I Mean, It's Not Like I Am Some Weirdo Girl Thats Never Been Asked Out. lol Guys, Or Boyfriends Are Just Lame And Have Never Taken Me On One. So It Would Be Nice To At Least Know What A Date Is Like. And I'm Always Down For Staying At Home, Watching Movies And Stuff :) Thats Great As Well.
Flowers, Stuffed Animals, ect... - Another Thing I Haven't Gotten From A Guy Or Boyfriend. That Would Be So Cute To Do That. (: Even Once... That Would Be Great.
Dont EVER EVER EVER EVER Cheat On Me - Seriously. That Is One Of The Worst Things You Can Do To A Girlfriend. And It's Really Hard To Get Over. I've Had Guys Cheat On Me. If You Dont Want To Be With Me Anymore... Tell Me. Yeah, It Will Hurt, But It's Alot Less Painful Than Finding Out Your Boyfriend's A Cheater.
RESPECT - One Thing You Have To Do, Is Respect Me And My Friends And Family. Don't Call Me Names... Listen To Me, And Respect What I Say. Another Thing, Respect My Family. Having A Boyfriend Come Over, Even Just To Meet My Mom, Dad, And Brother Is Huge. And Believe Me, They Have Seen Me Go Through Enough Shit With Ex's... So If You're Even The Slightest Bit Rude, Or Disrespectful, They Will Either Tell You To Get The Fuck Out Of Our House Or Whatever, Or Put You In Your Place. Trust Me, It Wouldn't Be The First Time. My Family Is Really Fun && Chill, But If You Dont Respect Me, Or My Family.... Don't Waste Your Time.
Cuteness - Please... Let Me Do Cute Things. Let Me Borrow A Big T-Shirt Of Yours To Sleep In. Or A Hoodie I Can Wear All Day That Smells Like You. Let Me Take Pictures Of Us... So I Can Plaster Them All Over Myspace And In My Room :) I Do Cute Things As Well. I've Been Known To Leave Cute Messages On Ex Boyfriends Cars, Or In Their Backpacks For School. (:
Trust Me. I'm A Very Good Girlfriend. I Mean, I Don't Have To Proove That To You. You'll Either Figure That Out On Your Own, Or Not. In A Nutshell, I'm Very Chill. If Sometimes, You Want To Go Out And Chill Will Your Friends... Do It. I'm Fine With You Having Girl Friends. As Long As Friends, Are What They Are. Two Of My Best Friends Are Guys, So I Understand. You Don't Have To Spend Money On Me. I Mean, Once In A While Would Be Amazing. We Don't Have To Go On Dates Every Weekend. Staying In, Watching Movies Or TV Is Totally Fine With Me.
I Just Want A Good Boyfriend. That's All I Want In A Relationship. Someone That Will Like/Love Me For Who I Am. Someone That Is Not Ashamed To Be With Me. A Guy That Will Hold My Hand, Kiss Me, Hug Me, Cuddle Me. A Guy That Will Take Me On A Date Every Once In A While. A Guy That Will Let Me Wear His Clothes, And Take Pictures With Them. Somone That Won't Cheat On Me. A Guy That Won't Lie To Me. Someone That Will Be Honest With Me.
That's What I Want.
Proove To Me, You Can Be This.
& Hopeful h e a r t s ;
It's A Love Story... Baby Just Say Yes.
In Order To Steal My Heart
Okay... So Here's The Deal. I'm Really Tired Of Finding Asshole Guys. They All Have Treated Me The Exact Same Way. Badly. So... Here Are Some Things That Are Really Important To Me, That Will Tell You How To Win My Heart. Trust Me... Its Not That Hard... But Guys Just Dont Seem To Get It.
xoxo
"Im YOUR Girlfriend" - I Mean, YOU Asked Me Out... So When People Ask If We're Dating Say Yes. I Know That Sounds Stupid, But Someone Has Done That In The Past To Me. Don't Say "Oh Babe, Everyone Knows We Are Dating. I Don't Have To Tell Them." Please. Yeah You Do.
Holding Hands, Hugging, Kissing, ect... - Do It! I Love Holding Hands... Weither Its Laying Around Watching Movies, Or Walking Around Somewhere. Hug Me And Kiss Me! In Public Too. If You Don't, It Makes Me Think Your Ashamed Of Being With Me. And It Shouldn't Be Like That.. Especially If We're Dating.
Dates - So Here Is The Deal. I've NEVER Been On A Date. Yeah. And If It Was Concidered A "Date" I Payed For Everything. I Mean, It's Not Like I Am Some Weirdo Girl Thats Never Been Asked Out. lol Guys, Or Boyfriends Are Just Lame And Have Never Taken Me On One. So It Would Be Nice To At Least Know What A Date Is Like. And I'm Always Down For Staying At Home, Watching Movies And Stuff :) Thats Great As Well.
Flowers, Stuffed Animals, ect... - Another Thing I Haven't Gotten From A Guy Or Boyfriend. That Would Be So Cute To Do That. (: Even Once... That Would Be Great.
Dont EVER EVER EVER EVER Cheat On Me - Seriously. That Is One Of The Worst Things You Can Do To A Girlfriend. And It's Really Hard To Get Over. I've Had Guys Cheat On Me. If You Dont Want To Be With Me Anymore... Tell Me. Yeah, It Will Hurt, But It's Alot Less Painful Than Finding Out Your Boyfriend's A Cheater.
RESPECT - One Thing You Have To Do, Is Respect Me And My Friends And Family. Don't Call Me Names... Listen To Me, And Respect What I Say. Another Thing, Respect My Family. Having A Boyfriend Come Over, Even Just To Meet My Mom, Dad, And Brother Is Huge. And Believe Me, They Have Seen Me Go Through Enough Shit With Ex's... So If You're Even The Slightest Bit Rude, Or Disrespectful, They Will Either Tell You To Get The Fuck Out Of Our House Or Whatever, Or Put You In Your Place. Trust Me, It Wouldn't Be The First Time. My Family Is Really Fun && Chill, But If You Dont Respect Me, Or My Family.... Don't Waste Your Time.
Cuteness - Please... Let Me Do Cute Things. Let Me Borrow A Big T-Shirt Of Yours To Sleep In. Or A Hoodie I Can Wear All Day That Smells Like You. Let Me Take Pictures Of Us... So I Can Plaster Them All Over Myspace And In My Room :) I Do Cute Things As Well. I've Been Known To Leave Cute Messages On Ex Boyfriends Cars, Or In Their Backpacks For School. (:
Trust Me. I'm A Very Good Girlfriend. I Mean, I Don't Have To Proove That To You. You'll Either Figure That Out On Your Own, Or Not. In A Nutshell, I'm Very Chill. If Sometimes, You Want To Go Out And Chill Will Your Friends... Do It. I'm Fine With You Having Girl Friends. As Long As Friends, Are What They Are. Two Of My Best Friends Are Guys, So I Understand. You Don't Have To Spend Money On Me. I Mean, Once In A While Would Be Amazing. We Don't Have To Go On Dates Every Weekend. Staying In, Watching Movies Or TV Is Totally Fine With Me.
I Just Want A Good Boyfriend. That's All I Want In A Relationship. Someone That Will Like/Love Me For Who I Am. Someone That Is Not Ashamed To Be With Me. A Guy That Will Hold My Hand, Kiss Me, Hug Me, Cuddle Me. A Guy That Will Take Me On A Date Every Once In A While. A Guy That Will Let Me Wear His Clothes, And Take Pictures With Them. Somone That Won't Cheat On Me. A Guy That Won't Lie To Me. Someone That Will Be Honest With Me.
That's What I Want.
Proove To Me, You Can Be This.
& Hopeful h e a r t s ;
It's A Love Story... Baby Just Say Yes.
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You Don't Fucking KNOW
Nov. 30th, 2008 | 12:25 am
YOU DON'T KNOW
WHAT PERFECT IS...
BECAUSE IT DOESN'T EXIST
People Wrap Their Brains Around Being Something That Is Non-Existant. Being "Perfect" Isn't Real. The Media And People Today Insist That The World Can Fit Into A Size 0 Jean. It Isn't Realistic.
Lets Be Honest... Im Not Skinny. Durrrrrr. I Wear A Size 11 Jean. Which Means, I Still Can Wear Jeans From Hollister. Which People Say "Only Skinny People Can Shop There!" But People Still Call Me Fat?? It Doesn't Make Sense. People, On The Other Hand, Have No Place To Judge Someone Else. So It Shouldn't Matter In The First Place. But Just Because They Think They Can, This Comes From It. It Leaves People Self-Concious, And Doubtful.
So Really, Even What You Say, Can Cause This. Trust Me, I've Grown Up With Bad Self Image Problems, From Being Picked On As A Kid. I Was Never This Biggest Kid In Class. Actually, I Was A Skinny Girl Growing Up. But When People Make Fun Of You Once, It Hits A Place In Your Memory, Where Your Constantly Thinking About It. "Oh My Gosh, Am I Fat? Should I Loose Weight?"
The Path That Leads To A Eating Disorder.
Hmm. And You Could Have Caused That To Someone Else.
Basically, Nothing Is Perfect.
People Come In All Shapes && Sizes.
So You Have No Right To Judge Someone Elses Body. At All.
Because This Is Sooo Sexy && Attractive, Right?
WHAT PERFECT IS...
BECAUSE IT DOESN'T EXIST
People Wrap Their Brains Around Being Something That Is Non-Existant. Being "Perfect" Isn't Real. The Media And People Today Insist That The World Can Fit Into A Size 0 Jean. It Isn't Realistic.
Lets Be Honest... Im Not Skinny. Durrrrrr. I Wear A Size 11 Jean. Which Means, I Still Can Wear Jeans From Hollister. Which People Say "Only Skinny People Can Shop There!" But People Still Call Me Fat?? It Doesn't Make Sense. People, On The Other Hand, Have No Place To Judge Someone Else. So It Shouldn't Matter In The First Place. But Just Because They Think They Can, This Comes From It. It Leaves People Self-Concious, And Doubtful.
So Really, Even What You Say, Can Cause This. Trust Me, I've Grown Up With Bad Self Image Problems, From Being Picked On As A Kid. I Was Never This Biggest Kid In Class. Actually, I Was A Skinny Girl Growing Up. But When People Make Fun Of You Once, It Hits A Place In Your Memory, Where Your Constantly Thinking About It. "Oh My Gosh, Am I Fat? Should I Loose Weight?"
The Path That Leads To A Eating Disorder.
Hmm. And You Could Have Caused That To Someone Else.
Basically, Nothing Is Perfect.
People Come In All Shapes && Sizes.
So You Have No Right To Judge Someone Elses Body. At All.
Because This Is Sooo Sexy && Attractive, Right?
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I Don't Think... I'm Strong Enough :(
Nov. 18th, 2008 | 05:32 pm
Im On The Verge Of Breaking...
I've Reached The Point Of Breaking Down.
The Sad Thing Is... All I Ever Write About Is Being Sad And Depressed.I Mean, That's All Life Is Right Now. I Havent Had An Awesome Day In Such A Long Time. And Alot Of What I Type In Here, Is The Same Things. I Understand If You Dont Want To Read Anymore. lol It's All The Same Bullshit Stuff. But I'm A Very Happy Person... And Its Not Like I'm Not Happy Anymore... But Things Have Definitely Changed Lately. I Dont Mope Around Being Depressed... Its Just That Im Not Fully Happy. On A Bright Side Of This... At Least I've Been Getting Some Good Poetry && Photography Out Of It! lol
Amigos - They Come And Go. I Had A Talk With My Mother One Night, And I've Come To Realize One Of My Talents. Im Not So Sure Its A Good One, But I Can See Through People. Within A Few Weeks Of Spending Time With Them And Seeing What They're Like, And How They Act... I Can See Who They Really Are. Sometimes Its Good! And Other Times, I Can Tell You When Someone Is Going To Turn Out To Be A Lying Decieving Person. It's A Sad Thing To Say That I've Been Through Sooo Many Friends. They All Turn Out The Same. (Hmm...Sound Familiar?) Friends... You Stick Together, Tell Eachother Stuff, Trust Eachother, That Sort Of Thing. I Dont Have That. Maybe Its Me? Nah... I Dont Know. The Downfall? Girls My Age Usually Have A Group Of All Girl Friends. Or Have Like, 15 Best Girl Friends. Me? I Dont Have A Girl Best Friend. Except For One, Who's About A 3 Hour Drive From Me. I Can Only Trust Two Guys. Good Thing... They Wont Steal My Boyfriends And They Will Stand Up For Me (: lol I Dont Know... I Just Wish Things Were Different In This Topic.
Chicos - Like I've Been Banting About Forever, This Subject Is Very Touchy. It Causes Me To Get Really Emotional. I Think The Curse Of My First Boyfriend Brought This Upon Me. That Relationship Ended Horribly... And I Think Its Being Carried On Through All These Guys Up To Today. They All Usually Want The Same Thing From Me. And I Think We All Know What That Is. I Mean, Im Not That Amazing. Im Not Gorgeous, Nor Skinny. Sooo I Dont See How That Works. But Then Again, When Your In A Dark Room With Them Alone, They Arnt Worried About Your Face Or Body, Now Are They? :'( Thankfully, By The Grace Of God... I Havent Lost My Virginity To Any Of These Losers. But The Emotional Scars They Leave Behind, Are What Hurt The Most. Guys Say Things (I Love You, Your Perfect...) And They Are Temporary. But Girls, Take It More Seriously. Those Things... And Even The Smallest Things They Do Or Say, Have A Huge Impact On Us. And Thats Where It Gets Me Everytime. I'm Not Stupid... But I Tend To Fall For Some Of The Things They Do. Or, I See Them As I Want To. "Oh, Hes Not An Ass... Hes Different." Please. They All Turn Out The Same Weither I Like It Or not. It Just Hurts Me More Than Anything.. That I Meet Someone (Someone Specific In This Case) That Really Does Seem Different...
[Here Are Some Exact Things He Sent To Me, Over Myspace]
- "UR JUST 2 CUTE!"
- "IM PRETTY SURE THEY TURN OUT BEAUTIFUL LIKE U BABE!"
- "I JUST CANT KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT ABOUT U"
- "I LIKE U! UR DIFFERENT!....THATS EXACTLY WHAT IM LOOKIN FOR 2!"
- "WANNA KNOW A SECRET? IVE HAD LIKE A CRUSH ON U FOR A LONG TIME!"
- "WELL NOW UR JUST TEMPTIN ME CUZ I LOVE 2 CUDDLE AND RUN MY FINGERS THROUGH UR HAIR!
I JUST HAVE THIS CUTE RELATIONSHIP PLAYED OUT IN MY HEAD!"
-""BUT I STILL CANT WAIT 2 TAKE A KISSY PIC WITH YOU! AWW THATLL BE CUTE"
- "JUST THINKIN BOUT KISSIN YOU MAKES ME SMILE!"
- "BUT I WOULD JUST LOVE IF YOU WERE WITH ME CUDDLING WITH ME AND PUTTIN ME 2 SLEEP!"
-" U DID FIND SOMEONE THAT WILL TREAT YOU RIGHT! I PROMISE!"
- "UR GONNA BE A PERFECT AND NEEDED ADDITION 2 THE ****** FAMILY"
And These Pictures Are A Few He Sent Me. See? You Dont Say Those Kinds Of Things To Me, And Then Hook Up With Your Ex, Who You Said You No Longer Liked. And He Expected Me Not To Be Pissed. Im Not Sure... Guys Are Such A Waste Of Time. They Act Like Nothing Is Wrong After They Hurt You... And Just When Your Starting To Move On, They're Like... "Hey!!! How Are You?? Are We Cool?" Fuck No We Arnt! Guys Are Dumb.
I Guess These Two Things Are What Is Killing Me Right Now. They're Both Like A Stab In The Heart && Back. And I Just Cant Move On.
:(
I've Reached The Point Of Breaking Down.
The Sad Thing Is... All I Ever Write About Is Being Sad And Depressed.I Mean, That's All Life Is Right Now. I Havent Had An Awesome Day In Such A Long Time. And Alot Of What I Type In Here, Is The Same Things. I Understand If You Dont Want To Read Anymore. lol It's All The Same Bullshit Stuff. But I'm A Very Happy Person... And Its Not Like I'm Not Happy Anymore... But Things Have Definitely Changed Lately. I Dont Mope Around Being Depressed... Its Just That Im Not Fully Happy. On A Bright Side Of This... At Least I've Been Getting Some Good Poetry && Photography Out Of It! lol
Amigos - They Come And Go. I Had A Talk With My Mother One Night, And I've Come To Realize One Of My Talents. Im Not So Sure Its A Good One, But I Can See Through People. Within A Few Weeks Of Spending Time With Them And Seeing What They're Like, And How They Act... I Can See Who They Really Are. Sometimes Its Good! And Other Times, I Can Tell You When Someone Is Going To Turn Out To Be A Lying Decieving Person. It's A Sad Thing To Say That I've Been Through Sooo Many Friends. They All Turn Out The Same. (Hmm...Sound Familiar?) Friends... You Stick Together, Tell Eachother Stuff, Trust Eachother, That Sort Of Thing. I Dont Have That. Maybe Its Me? Nah... I Dont Know. The Downfall? Girls My Age Usually Have A Group Of All Girl Friends. Or Have Like, 15 Best Girl Friends. Me? I Dont Have A Girl Best Friend. Except For One, Who's About A 3 Hour Drive From Me. I Can Only Trust Two Guys. Good Thing... They Wont Steal My Boyfriends And They Will Stand Up For Me (: lol I Dont Know... I Just Wish Things Were Different In This Topic.
Chicos - Like I've Been Banting About Forever, This Subject Is Very Touchy. It Causes Me To Get Really Emotional. I Think The Curse Of My First Boyfriend Brought This Upon Me. That Relationship Ended Horribly... And I Think Its Being Carried On Through All These Guys Up To Today. They All Usually Want The Same Thing From Me. And I Think We All Know What That Is. I Mean, Im Not That Amazing. Im Not Gorgeous, Nor Skinny. Sooo I Dont See How That Works. But Then Again, When Your In A Dark Room With Them Alone, They Arnt Worried About Your Face Or Body, Now Are They? :'( Thankfully, By The Grace Of God... I Havent Lost My Virginity To Any Of These Losers. But The Emotional Scars They Leave Behind, Are What Hurt The Most. Guys Say Things (I Love You, Your Perfect...) And They Are Temporary. But Girls, Take It More Seriously. Those Things... And Even The Smallest Things They Do Or Say, Have A Huge Impact On Us. And Thats Where It Gets Me Everytime. I'm Not Stupid... But I Tend To Fall For Some Of The Things They Do. Or, I See Them As I Want To. "Oh, Hes Not An Ass... Hes Different." Please. They All Turn Out The Same Weither I Like It Or not. It Just Hurts Me More Than Anything.. That I Meet Someone (Someone Specific In This Case) That Really Does Seem Different...
[Here Are Some Exact Things He Sent To Me, Over Myspace]
- "UR JUST 2 CUTE!"
- "IM PRETTY SURE THEY TURN OUT BEAUTIFUL LIKE U BABE!"
- "I JUST CANT KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT ABOUT U"
- "I LIKE U! UR DIFFERENT!....THATS EXACTLY WHAT IM LOOKIN FOR 2!"
- "WANNA KNOW A SECRET? IVE HAD LIKE A CRUSH ON U FOR A LONG TIME!"
- "WELL NOW UR JUST TEMPTIN ME CUZ I LOVE 2 CUDDLE AND RUN MY FINGERS THROUGH UR HAIR!
I JUST HAVE THIS CUTE RELATIONSHIP PLAYED OUT IN MY HEAD!"
-""BUT I STILL CANT WAIT 2 TAKE A KISSY PIC WITH YOU! AWW THATLL BE CUTE"
- "JUST THINKIN BOUT KISSIN YOU MAKES ME SMILE!"
- "BUT I WOULD JUST LOVE IF YOU WERE WITH ME CUDDLING WITH ME AND PUTTIN ME 2 SLEEP!"
-" U DID FIND SOMEONE THAT WILL TREAT YOU RIGHT! I PROMISE!"
- "UR GONNA BE A PERFECT AND NEEDED ADDITION 2 THE ****** FAMILY"
And These Pictures Are A Few He Sent Me. See? You Dont Say Those Kinds Of Things To Me, And Then Hook Up With Your Ex, Who You Said You No Longer Liked. And He Expected Me Not To Be Pissed. Im Not Sure... Guys Are Such A Waste Of Time. They Act Like Nothing Is Wrong After They Hurt You... And Just When Your Starting To Move On, They're Like... "Hey!!! How Are You?? Are We Cool?" Fuck No We Arnt! Guys Are Dumb.
I Guess These Two Things Are What Is Killing Me Right Now. They're Both Like A Stab In The Heart && Back. And I Just Cant Move On.
:(
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Move On
Nov. 17th, 2008 | 11:37 pm
mood: 
disappointed
Why Cant I Forget You?
Maybe I Dont Want To...
Normally, Whenever A Guy Hurts Me... Im Done. I Move On, And Find Someone Else Eventually. Lately, Its Been So Hard To Do That. I Mean, There Are Two People I Think About All The Time. I Mean, Not Like That! Im Not Some Crazy Ass Staker Girl... But For Real. You Know What I Mean.
One Guy, I Guess The Only Reason I Am Still Attached To Him, Is Because We Did Stuff Together, And A Christian Book I Read Stated That When Something Like That Happens To You, They Take A Piece Of Your Emotions With Them. And Thats The Only Reason That It Bugs Me. And Like He "Said" We Were Suppose To Stay Friends...And He Cant Even Handle That. Maybe, What We Had Was Just A One Night Thing For Him. (Even Though We Didnt Have Sex.) The Kisses, Hugs, And Feelings Meant Nothing To Him. It's Soooo Disappointing.
The Other, I Dont Know Why I Am Still Attached To Him. He Was Sooo Sweet, And He Liked Me For Me. Even Though We Were Total Opposites. We Liked Eachother For Other Reasons Than Just Looks Or Who We Hang Out With. He Also Told Me Things Like, How Perfect I Was, What A Great Girlfriend I Would Be, How I Would Be A Great Addition To His Family, And How He Wanted To Call Me His. And Then, He Ruined It All By Hooking Up With An Ex. Who He Repeatedly Told Me How Much He Disliked Her, And The Way She Acted. I Was Sooo Close To Finding Someone Right. Someone To Maybe Treat Me Right For Once.
Maybe They Arnt Worth It... But These Things Happened Weeks Ago... And I Still Cant Let It Go. No Matter How Much I Cry, Pray And Try To Forget About It... I Cant Get It Out Of My Mind. I Mean, To This Day, I Have Dreams And Wake Up Crying About It. What Am I Suppose To Do??
Maybe I Dont Want To...
Normally, Whenever A Guy Hurts Me... Im Done. I Move On, And Find Someone Else Eventually. Lately, Its Been So Hard To Do That. I Mean, There Are Two People I Think About All The Time. I Mean, Not Like That! Im Not Some Crazy Ass Staker Girl... But For Real. You Know What I Mean.
One Guy, I Guess The Only Reason I Am Still Attached To Him, Is Because We Did Stuff Together, And A Christian Book I Read Stated That When Something Like That Happens To You, They Take A Piece Of Your Emotions With Them. And Thats The Only Reason That It Bugs Me. And Like He "Said" We Were Suppose To Stay Friends...And He Cant Even Handle That. Maybe, What We Had Was Just A One Night Thing For Him. (Even Though We Didnt Have Sex.) The Kisses, Hugs, And Feelings Meant Nothing To Him. It's Soooo Disappointing.
The Other, I Dont Know Why I Am Still Attached To Him. He Was Sooo Sweet, And He Liked Me For Me. Even Though We Were Total Opposites. We Liked Eachother For Other Reasons Than Just Looks Or Who We Hang Out With. He Also Told Me Things Like, How Perfect I Was, What A Great Girlfriend I Would Be, How I Would Be A Great Addition To His Family, And How He Wanted To Call Me His. And Then, He Ruined It All By Hooking Up With An Ex. Who He Repeatedly Told Me How Much He Disliked Her, And The Way She Acted. I Was Sooo Close To Finding Someone Right. Someone To Maybe Treat Me Right For Once.
Maybe They Arnt Worth It... But These Things Happened Weeks Ago... And I Still Cant Let It Go. No Matter How Much I Cry, Pray And Try To Forget About It... I Cant Get It Out Of My Mind. I Mean, To This Day, I Have Dreams And Wake Up Crying About It. What Am I Suppose To Do??
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Lifes Disappointments
Oct. 22nd, 2008 | 12:00 pm
Life Is Filled With So Many...
DISAPPOINTMENTS
Theres A Point In Life, In Everyones Life Actually, That They Feel So Incedibly Low. When Theres Is Absolutly Nothing That Will Make You Feel Better. Its Almost Like A Phase, Or A Depression. When Everything You Loved, Liked, Or Cared For, Turns Into A Huge Disappointment.
FRIENDS, Are Suppose To Always Be There For You, And Never Leave Your Side. Through Thick And Thin. Your Suppose To Have Eachothers Backs. Until, They Hurt You, Or Backstab You, Or Pull Something Shady. You Dont Ever See It Comming. Especially From Someone Who Is Suppose To Be Your "Friend". Sadly Enough, I Only Know That 3 Out Of The Tons Of My Friends, For Sure Wont Ever Turn Their Backs On Me. See? Everyone That I Become Friends With, Turn Out To Be What I Didnt Expect Them To Be. Just Another Disappointment.
GUYS, Are Somewhat Different. They Always Seem Like Something You Want Them To Be, Or They Seem Almost Perfect... At First. I Always Trust Them, And Always See The Better Side Of Them. But, They End Up Doing things, Or Being Just Like Every Other Guy. They Cheat On You, They Wont Wait For You... So They "Hook Up" With Disgusting Girls, Or They Just Completly Turn Thier Backs On You. Like They Have NO Feelings For You At All. When It Turns Out That They Are One Of The Biggest Disappointments Of All. 99% Of The Time, They Are A Total Waste Of Time.
Ive Come To The Realization That There Will Always Be Huge Disappointments In My Life. Right Now, This Time, Seems Like Its The Worst That Ive Ever Been Through. I'll Just Have To Be Strong And....
M O V E O N
Im Not Alright... Im Broken Inside.
DISAPPOINTMENTS
Theres A Point In Life, In Everyones Life Actually, That They Feel So Incedibly Low. When Theres Is Absolutly Nothing That Will Make You Feel Better. Its Almost Like A Phase, Or A Depression. When Everything You Loved, Liked, Or Cared For, Turns Into A Huge Disappointment.
FRIENDS, Are Suppose To Always Be There For You, And Never Leave Your Side. Through Thick And Thin. Your Suppose To Have Eachothers Backs. Until, They Hurt You, Or Backstab You, Or Pull Something Shady. You Dont Ever See It Comming. Especially From Someone Who Is Suppose To Be Your "Friend". Sadly Enough, I Only Know That 3 Out Of The Tons Of My Friends, For Sure Wont Ever Turn Their Backs On Me. See? Everyone That I Become Friends With, Turn Out To Be What I Didnt Expect Them To Be. Just Another Disappointment.
GUYS, Are Somewhat Different. They Always Seem Like Something You Want Them To Be, Or They Seem Almost Perfect... At First. I Always Trust Them, And Always See The Better Side Of Them. But, They End Up Doing things, Or Being Just Like Every Other Guy. They Cheat On You, They Wont Wait For You... So They "Hook Up" With Disgusting Girls, Or They Just Completly Turn Thier Backs On You. Like They Have NO Feelings For You At All. When It Turns Out That They Are One Of The Biggest Disappointments Of All. 99% Of The Time, They Are A Total Waste Of Time.
Ive Come To The Realization That There Will Always Be Huge Disappointments In My Life. Right Now, This Time, Seems Like Its The Worst That Ive Ever Been Through. I'll Just Have To Be Strong And....
M O V E O N
Im Not Alright... Im Broken Inside.
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Feel This Pain
Oct. 14th, 2008 | 02:48 pm
...And I Cant Wait, Until You Feel This Pain...
That You Made Me Feel.
The Feeling That You Feel When You Start To Fall For Someone...
Its Like A Rush, And An Utter Happiness. You Feel So Happy And Excited.
Until Something Happens. You Realize That They Dont Feel The Way You Do.
And That Pain, Is Nothing.
That You Made Me Feel.
The Feeling That You Feel When You Start To Fall For Someone...
Its Like A Rush, And An Utter Happiness. You Feel So Happy And Excited.
Until Something Happens. You Realize That They Dont Feel The Way You Do.
And That Pain, Is Nothing.
You Fall So In Love With Someone... And You Think That They Love You Too.
Then, They Begin To Love Someone Else, Without You Knowing. And The Moment
You Find Out... Its As If Your Heart Was Ripped Out Of Your Chest.
There Is Nothing That Feels Like That... The Pain Is Too Intense, And Theres
No Way To Handle It.
Guys Just Dont Understand. It May Sound Like Its Being Overdramatic,
But Its Really Not.
All Those Nights Where You Sit On Your Bed, And Cant Help But Cry.
When You Look Back On Everything, And Wonder Why It Is This Happened.
Nobody Will Ever Understand How That Feels.... Until You Experience It For Yourself.
And To Be Honest, I Cant Wait For That Day.
When Everyone (Especially Guys) That Has Hurt Me, Feels The Pain They Caused Me.
Because Its Going To Be The Worst Thing Ever.
Then, They Begin To Love Someone Else, Without You Knowing. And The Moment
You Find Out... Its As If Your Heart Was Ripped Out Of Your Chest.
There Is Nothing That Feels Like That... The Pain Is Too Intense, And Theres
No Way To Handle It.
Guys Just Dont Understand. It May Sound Like Its Being Overdramatic,
But Its Really Not.
All Those Nights Where You Sit On Your Bed, And Cant Help But Cry.
When You Look Back On Everything, And Wonder Why It Is This Happened.
Nobody Will Ever Understand How That Feels.... Until You Experience It For Yourself.
And To Be Honest, I Cant Wait For That Day.
When Everyone (Especially Guys) That Has Hurt Me, Feels The Pain They Caused Me.
Because Its Going To Be The Worst Thing Ever.
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It's Time...
Oct. 6th, 2008 | 07:30 pm
There Comes A Time...
When You Have To Move On
When You Have To Move On
"Some People Think It's Holding On That Makes One Strong. Sometimes... It's Letting Go." It Can be So Hard... To Finally Be Letting Someone Or Something Go. But Maybe Its For The Best. Maybe What Im Doing, Will Be Helping Me Out In The End. Maybe What I Thought Once Was, Is Turning Out To Be Something That Wasnt Meant To Happen In The First Place.
Its Just A Phase. I'll Move On. Im Sooo Used To Being Let Down And Hurt By People... Maybe It Is Best To Move On. If You Hurt Me Once, I Might Forgive You. But The Second Time, I Wont. I Think Its Time To Finally Move On With My Life. And Be More Involved With The People That Wont Walk Away On Me.
Its Time.
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Falling Appart
Jul. 31st, 2008 | 12:31 am
mood: Pissed The Fuck Off!!!
Tell Me What Do I Do...
When It All Falls Apart
I Am Sooo Tired Of Giving My All To People... And Getting Screwed Over.
I Hate That I Fall For People Too Quickly... And I Trust Them Way Too Easily...
And They ALWAYS Hurt Me.
Im Tired Of People Using Me... Saying That Things Will Work
Between Us...And Then Nothing Comes From It.
Or, How Im "So Sexy", "So Beautiful", Or How I "Have An Amazing Body" ??
And I Fucking Fall For It Everytime.
And I End Up Trusting People With Stuff... And They Use Me.
Sure, Ive Never Had Sex Or Anything... But People Can Use Me.
And Yes, Its Kinda My Fault For Letting Guys Do This To Me, But
Im Just Too Trusting.
IM DONE.
I Want Someone To Love Me... For Me.
I Want A Boyfriend That Will Hold My Hand....
Even If We Are Just Sitting Around... Or Taking A Walk.
I Want Someone That Will Spend A Whole Day With Me...
And Just Cuddle Me.
Someone That Will Hug && Kiss Me All The Time...
No Matter If We Are Alone... Or In Public.
I Want A Boyfriend That Will Never Cheat On Me...
Or Use Me.
Someone That Will Let Me Wear Their Clothes...
Just To Sleep In.
Someone That Will Say They Love Me...
AND MEAN IT.
For Once, I Just Want A Boyfriend That Will Love Me,
As Much As I Love Them.
Thats All I Ask For.
& Lonely hearts;
Tonight Will Be The NIght That I' Will Fall For You... Over Again. Dont Make Me Change My Mind.
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Let The Rain Fall
Jun. 9th, 2008 | 08:41 pm
Where To Even Begin...
When Everything Is Falling Down.
What am I suppose to do?
[[ Here Comes The Time Again.. When Everything Falls Appart]]
Friends - Walk Away. You Seriously think you know and trust someone, until they walk away.
And to be so out of control, theres no way to reach them again. Its Horrible. And To sit back...
and try to count how many actual friends you still have, and you can count them on one hand.
Whats Going On?
Relationships - All I want.... is someone to be there for me. For someone to actually fall in
love with me. And Not be afraid to hold my hand when we walk around. Someone to kiss
me in public...And Not be embarassed. Someone that wont cheat on me, or hurt me.
Someone that wants me...and not sex. Someone to love me for me.
& Shattered h e a r t s ;
Theres Really No Way To Reach Me... Im Already Gone.
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Right Now....
May. 20th, 2008 | 08:12 pm
mood: Ehhh
Adventures...
[[ Of Life, Itself ]]
Life Has Been Pretty insane latley. I knew that all those good things that were happening, wouldnt last too long...Nothing That Good, Can stay that long I guess.
"And I guess I should give up on things with him. Im pretty sure he has a slight Idea how I feel. Either that, or he is completly clueless. I like him though. But Im not sure if we are still growing closer. Its like we are getting farther away. Maybe its just not meant to be..."
Im trying to not let things get the best of me. Seriously. Too many things and people have been bothering me latley, and Ive spent too many nights up crying about it, and making myself feel bad for someone elses damn problems.
All I need in life, are the truly important things. And the only people that I need in my life, are the ones that need me in their life.
And latley, I have been questioning everyone in my life, if they really are here for me. If not, they might as well get up and leave me know. I hate being hurt, and thats what I am protecting myself from right now.
I am protecting myself, just as much as my heart.
& strong h e a r t s ;
I Said Hello, but You kept walking... I couldnt feel you, you were always so far away...
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Latley...
May. 16th, 2008 | 10:28 pm
mood: calm
I Feel So Alive...
For The Very First Time
Things are finally starting to get back to normal. The only bad thing... is that everytime I say that..
everything gets fucked up again. So right now...Im holding on to every good thing I have right now.
I wont let go.
I love how once I move on from somone, especially if I didnt want anything more to do with them, they still try more than ever to get back to me... when I wont even waste my time. Its funny, actually.
I also love the feeling of feeling love. Even if I know it may not last that long, I still love the feeling
you get when you feel some form of love. That intense feeling of butterflies in your stomach, the way your heart stops when you see the person you like/love, the way you cant stop smiling, The stupid way you cant get them out of your head.
There are so many things Im caught up in... and million things that have been running
thru my mind. So many that not even a blank sheet of paper could hold.
Both Good and Bad I guess.
But more than anything... I love the way Im feeling right now.
I like the feeling of being able to wake up in the morning, and having
no clue how I am going to feel that day.
Im happy for the loving feeling in my heart right now, and the happiness
and joy of being surrounded by my friends and family.
And I thank God Everyday for that.
:]
& complex h e a r t s ;
Run baby Run... Dont ever look Back...They'll Tear Us Appart If You Give Them The Chance.
